The Doom Generation

Jordan - This is so nice, lying here like two spoons stacked in a drawer... I hope we die simultaneously, like in a fiery car wreck or nuclear bomb-blast or something.

Amy - You are so romantic...

Jordan - No, for reals. I don't ever wanna have to miss you.

Amy - Ditto.

The Doom Generation (Gregg Araki, 1995)

My Words

My words escape me,
as I escape them,
To define me, as not refined,
Mimed release expressions,
Of continuous thoughts
Pouring out like red wine
From a dark green bottle on a crème carpet,
Or white sand.

My words escape me,
as I escape them,
For love is beauty,
and beauty is love,
As diabolical dreams
of intestines on a platter,
As kidneys, lungs and livers,
rushing the blood, my blood, winded, noisey.

My words escape me,
as I escape the world.

- My Words by Serj Tankian, from "Cool Gardens" (2001)

Why bother?

Sooner or later all of this will be ancient history like every other relationship I've had with anyone who meant something to me at some point...

So, why do I even bother when I know in advance it's not worth it?
Parece que nunca aprendo, leñe... Menos sensiblerías y más sentido común. Sea lo que sea eso.

Domingo por la tarde

Jesse James Dean Martin Lawrence Olivier Martínez.
xD

The distant future: the year 2000

Murray - When you're in a band, you don't get with your bandmate's girlfriend - past or present.

Jemaine - Yes, well thanks for that.

Murray - You get a love triangle - you know? Fleetwood Mac situation... Well, there there was four of them, so more of a love square. But you know, no one gets on.

Jemaine - Okay, I see.

Murray - Mind you, they did make some of their best music back then.

Bret - Rumours! 

Murray - No, that's all true.

- Flight of the Conchords, S1E1 "Sally"

A Ballad of Reading Gaol

Yet each man kills the thing he loves,
By each let this be heard,
Some do it with a bitter look,
Some with a flattering word,
The coward does it with a kiss,
The brave man with a sword!

Some kill their love when they are young,
And some when they are old;
Some strangle with the hands of Lust,
Some with the hands of Gold:
The kindest use a knife, because
The dead so soon grow cold.

Some love too little, some too long,
Some sell, and others buy;
Some do the deed with many tears,
And some without a sigh:
For each man kills the thing he loves,
Yet each man does not die.

-  C. 3. 3. (Oscar Wilde)

Dreams

"…And just like that, after a long wait, a day like any else,
I decided to triumph… I decided to look for the opportunities, not to wait.
I decided to see every problem as the opportunity to find a solution
I decided to see every desert as the opportunity to find an oasis
I decided to see every night as a mystery to solve
I decided to see every day as a new opportunity to be happy.

That day I found that my only rival was my own weaknesses,
And in them, is the only way and better way of surpassed us.

That day I lost the fear of loosing and I started to fear of no winning,
I discovered that I was not the best and maybe never was.
I stop caring about who was the winner or the loser.
Now I care just knowing more than yesterday.
I learned that the hard thing is never stop climbing to the top, not to reach it.
I learned that the better triumph that I can have, is to have the right of calling someone “my friend”
I discovered that the love is more than a feeling of being in love, “the love is a philosophy of life”
That day I stopped being a reflect of my few triumphs of the past and I started to be my own tenuous light of this present;
I learned that it do not matter if you are a being light if you are not going to illuminate the others road.

That day I decided to change so many things…
That day I learned that the dreams only are to make come true
Since that day I don’t sleep to rest
Now, I dream just for dreams."

- (attributed to) Walt Disney

The cold shoulder

Far from being a "perfect day" like those back in the old times...

Almurnado

Today I'm not in the mood, I can't help it. This afternoon I came back to my flat, which is empty and not only because my flatmates are out. I've begun to remember and taking stock of these last few weeks...

I remember when a couple of years ago, a friend of mine complained about how many times she'd been brokenhearted by her (at the most) one-month stands. She wondered why she hadn't found a guy who was worth it so they could have a serious relationship, she said she was tired of suffering like that... I told her I was kind of jealous of her, because precisely, she had never had a boyfriend to whom she had completely devoted herself, the kind of guy you cautiously introduce to your family after a long time dating because you're absolutely certain that it could last forever, you can't conceive your life going on without him...

But in the end, all those years or months, all those moments you believed to be so special and meaningful turn out false. Everything suddenly changes, hopes go down the drain, and on top of that, it always seems like the other person puts together his life faster and easier than you do. You wonder how he could forget you that quickly, what was the real meaning of all those things he told you and wrote with a blue Pilot pen, all blurry because of the tears.

I preferred those emotionless, meaningless one-night stands better than having this emotional baggage that's been piling up, failed relationship after failed relationship. I find it hard to be moved by anything without thinking a millisecond later that everything can end way before it is started, unexpectedly, I'm afraid of losing what I have now and deep down I know it's goint to happen sooner or later because, sadly, now I know feelings change and there's nothing we can do to avoid it.

This is not like Dracula's screenwriters made us believe. Six years and three failed relationships later, I've come to accept at last that it was all a beautiful lie.

"You'll learn to know,

you grow like tornado from the inside

Destroy everything through,

destroy from the inside..."

Tea time, once again

Y voy a dejarme ya de tontás, que tengo que estudiar ;)