Scherenhänden

Una etapa poco intensa de mi vida se acaba. Me quedo con los buenos momentos y las risas de los descansos entre cupcakes y vodka lila a palo seco.

Tendré que buscar otras formas de expresar mi lado artístico, a ser posible en solitario.

Nonsense literature?

Domino toppling?

Charcoal portrait drawing of deceased punk idols?

Hedgehog shaving?

Quién sabe hacia dónde me llevará esta peli ideada en las mentes de Ingmar Bergman y Billy Wilder a partes iguales que es la vida...

BH&Revelations

Despertar de la siesta y tener un nivel de claridad retrospectiva mayor que nunca.
Darse cuenta de que la gente que se ha ganado a pulso el título de "mala", ya lo era hace 9 años.

Encajar todas las piezas del puzzle y comprender que, tras tantos años, estaba muy claro desde el principio el objetivo.

Porque encajar socialmente es la clave de todo, por supuesto. Aunque se comenzara con mal pie, lavar la imagen es lo primordial. Y si no, que se lo pregunten a los estilistas de Camilla Parker Bowles durante su cruzada de diez años.

Porque no eres nada si no llevas un bolso sobaquero y taconazos, claro.

He dicho.

Justine, oh, Justine

It's over, you don't need to tell me
I hope you're with someone who makes you feel save in your sleeping tonight
I won't kill myself trying to stay in your life

When you see me, please, turn your back and walk away
I don't wanna see you 'cause I know the dreams that you keep, that's where we meet

When you're coming down, think of me here

It's over, I knew it would end this way
I hope you're with someone who makes you feel that this life, is a life
Who settles down, stays around, spends more time with you

I've got no distance left to run

Bis zum bitteren Ende

Molko, qué razón tenías.

De la fugacidad de la vida, jarrones que no lo son y demás escenas cotidianas

Han pasado más de 3 años y medio desde que escribí una entrada parafraseando un supuesto proverbio alemán que vi en una revista española, pero no di con él en su momento...

Hoy, por casualidad me he acordado de él y lo he encontrado. O más bien una aproximación, porque la traducción que leí por aquel entonces es un poco libre de más. Y al parecer, según las fuentes, en realidad es un proverbio árabe, pero ahí ya no he podido investigar más. Pero ha sido una pequeña satisfacción personal, debe ser que me he vuelto más ágil con el alemán desde entonces (o eso me gustaría pensar), o simplemente que he tenido un golpe de suerte.

En cualquier caso, aquí está el original:

"Kannst du kein Stern am Himmel sein, so sei eine Lampe im Haus".

Y ya de paso, otro proverbio que me ha parecido curioso: "Wir liegen alle in der Gosse, aber einige von uns betrachten die Sterne".

Korkuyorum

You say that you love rain, but you open your umbrella when it rains

You say that you love the sun, but you find a shadow spot when the sun shines

You say that you love the wind, but you close your windows when wind blows...

This is why I am afraid you say that you love me too...

- Qyazzirah Syeikh Ariffin

(Picture taken from here)

Cantankerous

What would you do if you had only five years left to live?

I call it the "Bowie Effect".

Words and music

"The actions of men are the best interpreters of their thoughts".

- James Joyce

Kristallnacht

"Y'know that ringing in your ears? That 'eeeeeeeeee'? That's the sound of the ear cells dying, like their swan song. Once it's gone you'll never hear that frequency again.

Enjoy it while it lasts...".

- Julian Taylor, "Children of Men" (Alfonso Cuarón, 2006)

Piece of advice

Never complain, never explain. Don't let people know what is true all the time, that's what keeps the mystery.

Federkleid

Neueste Entdeckung: Lotte Reiniger und seine Kunst des chinesischen Silhouetten-Puppenspiels.

Nach und nach.

Calendrier de l'Avent

:')

"Yes, but... What did you expect?"

"The earth is evil. We don't need to grieve for it, nobody will miss it. All I know is, life on earth is evil and there isn't life anywhere else. Because I know things, I know we're alone. 678. The bean lottery. Nobody guessed the amount of beans in the bottle, but I know. 678. And when I say we're alone, we're alone. Life is only on earth, and not for long."

- Justine, "Melancholia" (Lars Von Trier, 2011)

Chamois cloth

"Maybe perhaps he does belong with her... Little Miss Living, with her rosy cheeks and beating heart".

- Emily, "Corpse Bride" (Tim Burton, 2005)

Falsely Yours

My dear,

We live in a world where we have to hide to make love, while violence is practiced in broad daylight.

Where mothers tell their children not to watch ‘adult activity’ in one breath, and tell them to watch their violent Saturday morning cartoons in the other.

To me violence and sex have the same intensity. If we’re going to hide one, then we must hide the other. And if we’re going to publicize one, we’re going to have to publicize the other. And it’s far too late to hide the facts; the kids know, the parents know, the neighbors know, the world knows – we are violent beings. …But we are also loving beings.

There’s already an abundance of violence, let’s start practicing love. Let’s see where that takes us.

Falsely yours,

John Winston Lennon

On tenterhooks

"It's funny how the colors of the real world only seem really real when you viddy them on the screen."

- Alex, "A Clockwork Orange" (Stanley Kubrick, 1971)

Luxuriant

"Gentlemen, Chicolini here may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot."

- Groucho Marx, "Duck Soup" (Leo McCarey, 1933)

Fresh start

Ou yeah!!

"This too shall pass"

A Persian proverb that indicates that all material conditions in this world, good or bad, are temporary.

Let's see how it all unfurls.

Parenthesis

"I see planets that don’t exist and landscapes that have only been dreamed."

- Werner Herzog

Anders als die Andern

Y aquí seguimos.

O mas bien aquí sigo.

Como siempre, todo el mundo avanzando, cambiando, viajando, siendo feliz y completando los requisitos que se deben ir cumpliendo para alcanzar eso que llaman "vida plena".

Y yo aquí, igual.

Ni termino, ni empiezo, ni creo... Sólo destruyo una y otra vez mis ilusiones. Porque muchas veces no hace falta tener a otras personas para destrozarte, con una solita basta.

Una canción pop que escuché mucho cuando tenía 15 años decía: "todos los días lucho una guerra contra el espejo, no puedo soportar a la persona que me devuelve la mirada. Soy un peligro para mí misma, mi peor enemigo. Es horrible cuando te das rabia a ti misma, muy irritante. No quiero seguir siendo mi amiga, quiero ser otra persona...".

Y lo peor es que no me motiva la vida que vendría después de terminar esto, no me atrae nada seguir lo establecido.

He vuelto a escuchar Radiohead, esto no puede acabar bien.

Desligar. Continuar. Y dejarse de esas tonterías que son tan inherentes a mi persona. Ojalá pudiera olvidarme de todos esos fantasmas que me persiguen todos los malditos días, acechando separados por una mísera pila de ladrillos. Pero no soy tan fuerte, nunca lo he sido y, a estas alturas, nunca lo voy a ser, aunque alguien hace muchos años dijera por escrito lo contrario.

Percepción... Es curioso. Me repele y atrae a la vez.

En fin.

Esto es lo de siempre, si ya debería saberlo. Pero un día de estos no voy a aguantar más, creo que ya se ha agotado todo lo que podría experimentar.

En fin. Otra vez.

She came in through the bathroom window

... protected by a silver spoon
But now she sucks her thumb and wanders
by the banks of her own lagoon

Didn't anybody tell her?
Didn't anybody see?

- The Beatles (wirtten by P. McCartney)

Global Tea Etiquette

Things like this make my day, as simple as that :)

So long and...

“There are some people you like immediately,

some whom you think you might learn to like in the fullness of time,

and some that you simply want to push away from you with a sharp stick.”

― Douglas Adams, "The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul" (1988)

Francis Scott Kay

“They slipped briskly into an intimacy

from which they never recovered"

- F. Scott Fitzgerald, This Side of Paradise (1920)

Finally...

We know her secret!

A new order

How many times must I lose my way?
How many words do I have to say?
What can I do just to make you see
That you're so good for a man like me...

Florence + The Robot

- I'd have held back if Cecil was different. But he's the sort who can't know anyone intimately, least of all a woman. He doesn't know what a woman is. He wants you for a possession, to look at like a painting or an ivory box. Something to own and to display. He doesn't want you to be real, to think and to live. He doesn't love you.

But I love you. I want you to have your own thoughts and ideas, even when I hold you in my arms.

- George Emerson, "A Room with a View" (James Ivory, 1985)

Lips like sugar

"The world is changed because you are made of ivory and gold.
The curves of your lips rewrite history"

- Oscar Wilde, "The Picture of Dorian Gray", chapter 20

Brainzzz

Don’t you see the whole aim of Newspeak is to narrow the range of thought? In the end we shall make thoughtcrime literally impossible, because there will be no words in which to express it. Every concept that can ever be needed will be expresses in exactly one word, with its meaning rigidly defined and all its subsidiary meanings rubbed out and forgotten.

…every year, fewer and fewer words, and the range of consciousness always a little smaller…

- George Orwell, "1984", chapter 5

The problem of pain

In your life you meet people.

Some you never think about again.

Some, you wonder what happened to them.

There are some that you wonder if they ever think about you.

And then there are some that you wish you never have to think about again. But you do.

- Kevin Arnold, "The Wonder Years", s2e15

Wise words

"Expectation Is The Root Of All Heartache"

- Falsely attributed to William Shakespeare

Ode to an ex-friend

O, thou...

Cuánto ha llovido desde aquel "Cuida bien de ella, que vale mucho". Y desde los peluchitos de Winchester, los patos hechos con pajitas en el República con todo el mundo alrededor, tomando palomitas extremadamente saladas regadas con calimochos con mora por las tardes de septiembre.

Aquella sorpresa de maderica en Florencia entregada con desdén, aunque sabías que me hacía mucha ilusión. Dedicatorias interminables en las becas la noche de la graduación, miradas de complicidad en cualquier situación. Tu casa de la huerta y las innumerables cosas que pasaron en sus inmediaciones. Camisetas de Gollum, estuches de Shrek. La tarde en el Fitzpatrick's justo antes de empezar nuestra etapa universitaria...

Y a partir de entonces, todo se vuelve borroso. Exceptuando situaciones como la de aquel Bando de 2007 en el que, caminando ya de noche por la Gran Vía, fuimos abrazados con otra persona un buen tramo.

Pero ahora ya da igual, porque todos esos momentos se perderán como lágrimas en la lluvia. Se disiparán como copos de nieve en el mar.

Y no voy a lamentarme más por este tema.

Write, write, write

Now I shouldn't... Shalln't.

I see people around me whose adaptive skills improve in time, while mine are stuck in the same place, even worsening.

I see them getting through adversities, caring little or nothing about the things I care. All of us feel in a different way, all of us think in a different way. And still, how can we be so different from each other, when we've been cut from the same pattern? Western society defers from the Asian, and even inside this continent there's a clear difference between Northern and Southern cultures. But regional? What are the determinants?

The rest of the people... They're a mistery to me.

Y ahora, a seguir empollando :)

Ill-fated

Which kind are you?

Great people talk about ideas
Average people talk about things
Small people talk about other people

You can be anything you want to be

Just turn yourself into anything you think that you could ever be...

My silver lining

"Doubt thou the stars are fire...

Illustration for William Shakespeare's Hamlet, Act IV scene VII, by John Austen (1922)

...Doubt that the sun doth move;
Doubt truth to be a liar
But never doubt I love"

 - Hamlet, from a letter read by Polonius, scene II

La petite mort

"The Climax", illustration for Oscar Wilde's Salome by Aubrey Beardsley (1893)  

Tomb of Ligeia

Illustration for Edgar Allan Poe's short story Ligeia by Harry Clarke (1919)

... und one was 'assaulted'... Peanut

"Love is sharing your popcorn", from Love is Walking Hand In Hand (Peanuts)

"It's the pictures that got small"

Everybody Comes to Rick's

"The last time we met..."

"Not an easy day to forget. I remember every detail. The Germans wore gray, you wore blue."

"Of all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the world, she walks into mine."

Casablanca (Michael Curtiz, 1942)

Einfach Träne

As the amount of cloth fluctuates gradually, I realize years and seasons go by unnoticed.
Distracted by our daily routine, nothing changes significantly.
I'm trapped in an endless spiral and it's making me sick.
Wonder how long I'll keep on holding on.
Better start composing the dirge.
Must be soon now...
Metaphores.

Battling the Pink Robots

I've come to assume that absolute happiness does not exist.

Of course, one can self-convince himself and believe for some seconds (or even minutes) that everything is fine in his life, but the next moment, it will prove it wrong.

Just wanted to tell you all.

Real life

"No puedo más, no lo conseguiré nunca".

Mientras esta frase resonaba sin parar en la cabeza de nuestra Muireann, a su vez pensó lo irónico que era el sentir consuelo en la música. Sonrió (y nadie lo vio) recordando que poco ha cambiado la situación desde aquellos tiernos 16 años. "Sigo pensando lo mismo que cuando era una adolescente". ¿No se supone que la gente cambia, madura...? "Se ve que esas cosas no están hechas para mí". Entonces, ¿por qué todo el mundo se empeña en seguir los mismos patrones, a saber: estudiar, consumir y trabajar hasta quedarse obsoleto, retirarse del ojo público convertido en un despojo inútil y venido a menos?

El camino no era como lo imaginó, ni cómo se lo pintaron en las películas de su infancia. Las aventuras, la emoción, los amigos que se mantienen fieles a tu lado toda la vida... No podía evitar darse cuenta de que en raras ocasiones consiguió llegar al fondo de un amigo, ese tipo de cosas sólo ocurren en las pelis de Bergman, o en Los Goonies.

Dudas, dudas, agobios...

Lo de siempre, vamos.

Doors

Turn your eyes from the window so you won't see this world
The walls are closing inward, there's nowhere left to turn
You want it, you need it, the words slip away
You're crying your eyes out, your mind wants to break
Your heart is your weakness, your song plays endlessly

Wonder how you sleep...

All your houses crumble, shadows begin to howl
Spiders on the rooftops, the trapdoor's in ourselves
You want it, you need it, the words slip away
You're crying your eyes out, your mind wants to break
Your heart is your weakness, your song plays endlessly

Wonder how you sleep, it's a wonder to me...

So how's it going to feel when you don't know what's real?
You tell yourself it's love, then tear your insides up
So how's it going to feel when you don't know what's real?
You tell yourself it's love, then tear yourself apart

Senses all been fractured, the traitor's in your sights
The hours spinning backwards, there's nowhere left to hide
You want it, you need it, the words slip away
You're crying your eyes out, your mind wants to break
Your heart is your weakness, your song plays endlessly

Wonder how you sleep, it's a wonder to me...

So how's it going to feel when you don't know what's real?
You tell yourself it's love, then tear your insides up
So how's it going to feel when you don't know what's real?
You tell yourself it's love, then tear yourself apart

How many people must learn? How many roads must you turn?
There's something hiding below
How many tears must you cry? How many buried inside?
Until you finally let go

How many years must you fight? How many stories survive?
Until the tables will turn
How many days must you brave? How many years must you pay?
There's nothing left to let go...

Molten veins

You are the melting men and as you melt

You are beheaded, handcuffed in lace, blood and sperm

Swimming in poison, gasping in the fragrance

Sweat carves a screenplay of discipline and devotion

So melt my lover, melt

She said, "Melt my lover, melt"

Let me change the ending

Let's rewrite the entire script.
Great failures of my life that I earned step by step,
Now it's too late...

Ich war falsch (wie immer), das Leben kann nicht so schön sein. Y en este preciso momento, lo mandaba todo a la porra. Valorando las consecuencias, no me parece tan mala idea.

Narcotic farm

Y volvemos a la situación habitual de hace unos 8 ó 9 años. Tengo muchas cosas que decir, muchas cosas que expresar... Pero no hay forma de ordenar estos sentimientos. Hay uno que domina al resto, y condiciona todo lo demás, pero como no tiene remedio, tengo que aprender a vivir durante los próximos meses con ello.

Necesito una guitarra, el Guitar Pro no es suficiente...

Das Leben kann schön sein, ja

Das Leben ist schön

... oder?

Alle Anderen, part II

Gitti - Ich wäre manchmal so gern anders. Das ist pubertär, oder?

Chris - Nein, ich kenne solche Gedanken auch. Ich denke, ich bin zu langweilig für dich. Am Anfang, als ich dich kennengelernt hab, hatte ich so eine Vorstellung im Kopf, wie ich in ein Zimmer komme und du mir noch was sagst und ich dann einfach aus dem Fenster springe, um dich zu überraschen.

Gitti - Das ist aber traurig.

Chris - Nein, nicht sterben, eher so lässig rausfliegen. Wie Batman.

Gitti - Hmm das ist aber inkonsequent. Wenn, dann müsstest du schon sterben für mich.

"Ich hab Angst, dich zu verlieren"

Alle Anderen (Maren Ade, 2009)

And the Oscar goes to...

... Angelina's right leg!

So subtle and classy... Admirable.

Apart from that, the rest of the 84th Academy Awards had no surprises.

Note to myself

I have to stop being so subtle with certain things I say.
Also, I should stop caring about the people who don't give a damn about me.

Pero de buen rollito, ¿eh? :) ¬¬

Alle Anderen

Und uns.
Wir sind anders. Besonders? (vielleicht) Es glaube ich nicht. Aber ich bin da, nur für dich da. Ich versuche mein Bestes für dich im Stich nicht lassen.

Instrumental

De instrumentales va la cosa hoy...

Film en douze tableaux

"Why must one always talk? Often one shouldn't talk, but live in silence." 

Vivre sa vie: Film en douze tableaux (Jean-Luc Godard, 1962)

Jet

Cómo se nota que todo lo que he pasado anteriormente repercute en mi forma de ver las cosas ahora...

Sé que antes o después, esto terminará. Es algo que no se puede evitar, siempre ocurre. E intento hacerme a la idea para no acabar hecha pedazos otra vez. Meses "busy mending all the pieces of the life I had before", que decía Bells. Aún así, me da rabia imaginar el momento en que tenga que rehacer mi vida sin ti. No quiero que llegue nunca.

Pero lo hará, por mucho que me engañe a mí misma. Siempre lo hace.

The more we fly, the more we climb,
the more we know that heaven is a lie.

Never let me go
I'll never let you fall...

And so it ends

One of the most perfect weeks I remember.
And in the night, we'll wish this never ends.

Who wants to live forever

... when love must die?

Zombie

Muireann is going downhill easier and easier.

Guess at this point, the weight of life on her shoulders is finally bringing her down. Will she be able to...? Who knows wether she'll stand up again or not? Who wonders wether she'll fight back, or not?

... Who really cares?

She felt as if feelings and life itself had nothing more to offer. Maybe...

“I have a sadness shield, it keeps out all the sadness"

Carol - I'm sorry, so... You were their king... and you made everything right?

Max - Yeah.

Carol - Oh. Well, you know... what about loneliness?

Douglas - What he's saying is, will you keep out all the sadness?

Max - I have a sadness shield, it keeps out all the sadness. It's big enough for all of us. And I do this to loneliness... Phew! Kpow!

Carol - I knew it! I knew it! When he showed up, I saw it. Why don't guys ever listen to me?

Where the Wild Things Are (Spike Jonze, 2009)

I'll soon be gone now

Hold me tight, this is a lonely night
And I've hurt you baby 'cause you are my light
Make me strong just like you make me weak
When your hands reach out for me... Even in your sleep

Memories they keep coming through
The good ones hurt more than the bad ones do
The days were high and the nights were deep
And I miss you baby, I miss you...

I'll soon be gone now
Forever not yours
I'll soon be gone now
It won't be long now

Heute nacht bin ich Allein

Ich studiere nichts. Ich fühle mich wie ein Niemand...

Niemand sieht mich, niemand hört mich. Keiner braucht mich, und heute nacht brauche ich nichts mehr, als eine Unarmung... Aber niemand ist da.

Ein schrecklicher Tag. Nochmals.

Es gibt Zeiten

Wenn du Entscheidungen zu treffen habe...

Warum jeder übertrifft mich? Ich fange an zu vergessen, was ich in Deutschland gelernt.

Angst, Unsicherheit. Das heißt, ich vermisse dich und ich bin eifersüchtig auf jeden, der dich vor geküsst.

Wenigstens habe ich Leute zu mich verlassen/vertrauen auf. Das bedeutet, ich bin gar nicht so schlecht! Oder?

(Heizkraftwerk und Kulturspeicher von Brücke der Deutschen Einheit,

Bild von hier getroffen)

Once

Him - What's the Czech for 'Do you love him?'
Her - "Miluješ ho?"
Him - "Moor-esh-ho"... So, moor-esh-ho?
Her - Miluju tebe (It is you I love).
Him - What?
Her - Come on, let's go.
Him - What'd you say? Tell me!

Once (John Carney, 2006)

You belong to me

Mallory - I just want to tell you I love you and I miss you. Don't forget about me... You won't forget about me?

Mickey - l won't forget about you. lt's cool. No matter where he takes you, Timbuktu... it don't matter, 'cause we're fate. You know? Nobody can stop fate, nobody can.

And one of these nights soon, I'll be coming for you.

Natural Born Killers (Oliver Stone, 1994)

So far, so good

... Right? :(

Dear...

La mejor despedida

Hay que ver cómo cambian las cosas en un año. Los "eternos", que siempre estarán ahí, se mantienen. Unos cuantos se han quedado por el camino, y a la vez otros nuevos se incorporan a esta trama que es la vida, como si de actores de una película se tratara.

En este ya extinto 2011, nuestra protagonista Muireann ha tenido que lidiar con la pérdida de algunos personajes de relativa relevancia en su vida, unas más traumáticas que otras, pero una aparición estrella en esta última tanda de episodios de la temporada hizo que todo cambiara a mejor. En especial, en un intenso episodio final, la compañía de Antóin hizo que nuestra little lost girl se planteara esta próxima temporada con un poco más de optimismo. No hay ni punto de comparación con el final de la etapa anterior, pensaba constantemente ella.

And, for once in her life, she thought everything was worth it because he made it that way...