That unreachable look

Only... Who can tell me apart

All the way from where we came, built a mansion in a day
Distant lightning, thunder claps, watched our neighbor's house collapse
Looked the other way... And... then the storm was overhead
All the oceans boiled and rivers bled
We auctioned off our memories in the absence of a breeze

Scatter what remains, scatter what remains!

Pushed away, I'm pulled toward a comedown of revolving doors
Every warning we ignored, drifting in from distant shores
The wind presents a change of course, a second reckoning of sorts
We were wasted waiting for a comedown of revolving doors

Fate don't fail me now

And when the days that followed past in another mansion built to last
From our window we could see only possibilities down the road and back
But, then the storm returned for more in a comedown of revolving doors
Auctioned off our memories in the absence of a breeze

Scatter what remains, scatter what remains!

Pushed away, I'm pulled toward a comedown of revolving doors
Every warning we ignored drifting in from distant shores
The wind presents a change of course, a second reckoning of sorts
We were wasted waiting for a comedown of revolving doors

Fate don't fail me now.

Poppycock

"You're only given a little spark of madness. If you lose that... You're nothing."

- Robin Williams

Wings

"Mientras haya música, seguiremos bailando. Y a ser posible... con una sonrisa."

- Carlos Cristos (Las alas de la vida, 2006)

Fragile tension

Yesterday something happened.

A huge, majestic rainbow topped the whole city for what seemed like ages when I got back from work.

Dave Gahan whispered in my ears words about a fragile tension we do not understand and which may not last forever. There was something mystical around, indeed. And it kept us going.

People stopped and looked up amazed, they called each others telling their loved ones to take a glance for a moment. A strange obsession drawing us nearer.

And when everything could not be any more wondrous, suddenly crystal-clear drops started to fall down in spite of the warm, sunset-y light.

Y no es casualidad que ayer leyera algo sobre la felicidad de que acaben los días, porque al menos no se volverá a repetir la jornada presente. Como si estos pequeños momentos no le dieran a una la vida. La ciudad entera se paralizó por unos instantes por algo especial. Y de pronto, un martes anodino ya no lo fue tanto.

Nevertheless, it can always get wrong in the end. One can never know...

Exactly like you

"You know what, Bobby? Life is simple as hell until you bring on a partner."

- "Maniac" s01e05 (C. J. Fukunaga, 2018)

When, notwithstanding, actors that you would have never bet a dime for flabbergast you in ways you would have never expected. Foremost, everything is surrounded by a bedazzling cinematography and an orchestrated faux-retro futurism... Who could ask for more?

Sub(urban) Pleasures

Letting Nilsson, Iggy, Lou and the Davies brothers serenade you on your way home on a chilly night, in spite of the incipient migraine, adds a little spark to an otherwise rather unremarkable Wednesday.

Great failures

That I earned step by step...

Now, it's too late.

Emi Finch

                 INT. EL PERRO AZUL.

                 ÉL
        (acaricia la mesa)

Por 100 puntos: ¿En qué película, debajo de las mesas de mármol de un bar, podían tocar (gesticula) letras en relieve los clientes?

        (silencio)

                 PERSONA CON MEMORIA EIDÉTICA SELECTIVA

Era en La Colmena, ¿no? En el libro usaban lápidas del revés como mesas para ahorrar y los clientes se quedaban helados al darse cuenta.

                 Él
Eres increíble.

Lenny speaks

So come, my friend, be not afraid
We are so lightly here
It is in love that we are made, in love we disappear

Though all the maps of blood and flesh are posted on the door
There's no one who has told us yet what boogie street is for

- "Boogie Street", Leonard Cohen

Thursday mood

"Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion's starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don't see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often, it's not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it's always there... Fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends.

When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know, none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge - they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I've got a sneaky feeling you'll find that love actually is all around."

- Love Actually (Richard Curtis, 2013)

Neil nailing it

"This is everything I have to tell you about love: nothing.
This is everything I've learned about marriage: nothing.

Only that the world out there is complicated,
and there are beasts in the night, and delight and pain,
and the only thing that makes it okay, sometimes,
is to reach out a hand in the darkness and find another hand to squeeze,
and not to be alone.

It's not the kisses, or never just the kisses: it's what they mean.
Somebody's got your back.
Somebody knows your worst self and somehow doesn't want to rescue you
or send for the army to rescue them.

It's not two broken halves becoming one.
It's the light from a distant lighthouse bringing you both safely home
because home is wherever you are both together.
So this is everything I have to tell you about love and marriage: nothing,
like a book without pages or a forest without trees.
Because there are things you cannot know before you experience them.
Because no study can prepare you for the joys or the trials.
Because nobody else's love, nobody else's marriage, is like yours,
and it's a road you can only learn by walking it,
a dance you cannot be taught,
a song that did not exist before you began, together, to sing.

And because in the darkness you will reach out a hand,
not knowing for certain if someone else is even there.
And your hands will meet,
and then neither of you will ever need to be alone again.


And that's all I know about love."

- Neil Gaiman

Canvas

"It's strange. A lot of the time you don't register the important moments in your life as they happen. You only see that they were important when you look back. Like, that was an ending".

- Alyssa, The End of the F***ing World (2018)

Cherry Garcia

31

(...) A mostly empty wine bottle stands on the table. The bar is deserted. Sachs can’t remember when he was last this drunk, or this tense and relaxed at the same time: relaxed, because an intelligent young woman is enjoying his company; tense, because he is ready to lance the boil on his conscience. To Sachs’s wry surprise, he is attracted to Luisa Rey, and he sorely regrets they met in these circumstances. The woman and the reporter keep blurring into one another.

“Let’s change the subject,” Sachs says. “Your car, your”–he does a Hollywood SS officer accent–“ ‘Volkswagen .’ What’s its name?”

“How do you know my Beetle has a name?”

“All Beetle owners give their cars names. But please don’t tell me it’s John, George, Paul, or Ringo.”  God, Luisa Rey, you’re beautiful.

She says, “You’ll laugh.”

“I won’t.”

“You will.”

“I, Isaac Caspar Sachs, solemnly vow not to laugh.”

“You’d better not with a middle name like Caspar. It’s Garcia.”

They both shake, noiselessly, until they burst into laughter. Maybe she likes me too, maybe she’s not just doing her job.

- Cloud Atlas (David Mitchell, 2004)

Project HYDRA

28

Isaac Sachs sits hunched in the bay window of the Swannekke Hotel Bar and watches yatchs in the creamy evening blues. A beer stands untouched on the tab. (...)

Luisa wanders over to the bay window. An untouched beer sits on the table, but there's no sign of its owner, so she sits down on the warmed seat. It's the best seat in the house. She watches yatchs in the creamy evening blues.

- Cloud Atlas (David Mitchell, 2004)

Synchronicity

Because sometimes those wondrous moments that could be taken out from a Nora Ephron or a Richard Curtis film do happen.

Somebody please get me down this cloud 9 (or maybe just leave me here... Wouldn't mind at all). Hope the fall, if any, won't be beastly.

An afternoon in the life

Arde el asfalto en una ciudad desierta.

Conductores sin cambio.

Y empieza el tour.

Se suceden

Monteagudo,

La Aparecida,

Orihuela,

Arneva,

Bigastro,

San Miguel de las Salinas,

Los Balcones ,

y, finalmente,

Torrevieja.

Pero no la Torrevieja que conoces, no.

Otra masificada y donde las paradas cambian a placer como escaleras en Hogwarts y acabas en el sitio apartadísimo donde comías pipas lejos de ojos curiosos con 14 años.

Al primer paso, bofetón de aroma a salitre caliente.

Familiaridad con Doña Sinforosa, un tal Policarpo...

Calles hechas polvo (sin duda gracias a la excelente gestión del partido gobernante durante décadas en el municipio).

Gumersindo también sigue ahí.

"Pero, ¿cómo puede haber tantas terrazas?"

Bisabuelo (¡bingo!).

"Bargain Books is no more... Lastimica"

Habitación donde se detiene el tiempo.

Copaso de strained pineapple y caldoseo fino en sitio instagrameable.

Vuelta, Super Pops que son retirados.

Cena junto a esa ermita renovada como de Lladró.

Copaso de brebaje novedoso en bareto no tan nuevo.

Paseo por calles mil veces recorridas.

Return to innocence.

Being an eternal underdog

I've known it all along, like the bone under my skin
Like actors in a photograph, like paper in the wind 

There's a hammer by the window
There's a knife on the floor

Like turbines in darkness 
Like the blood on my door

It's a Genera-tor...


When words won't come out, let Dr. Graffin speak.


There's a place where everyone can be happy
It's the most beautiful place in the whole effing world
It's made of candy canes and planes and bright red choo-choo trains 
And the meanest little boys and the most innocent little girls 

And you know I wish that I could go there 
It's a road that I have not found 
And I wish you the best of luck, dear
Drop a card or a letter to my side of town

'Cause there's no time for fussing and fighting my friend
But baby I'm amazed at the hate that you can send and
You... painted my entire world, but
I... Don't have the turpentine to clean what you have soiled

And I won't forget it 

21

“Light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul.

Lo-lee-ta: the tip of the tongue taking a trip of three steps down the palate to tap, at three, on the teeth. Lo... Lee... Ta."

- Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita

Harmonica

Because a good (angry) man with opal eyes can, from time to time, become one of the best villains in the History of Film.

Alexithymia

Secure attachment styles vs. Anxious-ambivalent or avoidant attachment styles.

Pick your fave! Gotta catch 'em all?

Attribution Theory

"When I is replaced with we, even illness becomes wellness".

- (Attributed to) Malcolm X

Life, part II

"Variety is life; uniformity is death".

- (Attributed to) Pyotr Kropotkin

Le casse-tête sans fin

           Moscow Leningradsky Railway Station. Int.

           XAVIER and WENDY walk up to the train. WENDY suddenly turns and stares at XAVIER smiling.

            WENDY
You are the perfect guy.

            XAVIER
You're making a mistake, I... I'm really not! If there's someone on earth with a... wreck, it's me!

             WENDY
That's what I just said. You're a perfect guy.

            XAVIER
How come you're such a nice girl?

            WENDY

I'm not being nice. You just happen to be the best thing that's happened to me in the past 26 years. 

            XAVIER
I'm not sure I'm the one you're talking about. The one you think I am.

            WENDY
What do you think? I know you're not always perfect! I know you have tons of problems, defects, imperfections, but... Who doesn't? It's just that I prefer your problems. I'm in love with your imperfections, your imperfections are just great. I mean, you can't imagine, before I had to deal with Ed and, compared to him, you're a day at the beach! I know most girls they go weak at the knees for what's beautiful, you know, that's all they see, that's all the want but, I- I'm not like that. I don't just see what's beautiful, I fall for the other stuff. I love what's not perfect. This is just how I am.

           The train beeps. A HOSTESS subtly tells XAVIER to please get in.

             WENDY

I think you need to go now.

           They kiss. XAVIER leaves without uttering a word.

             XAVIER (In French)
            (To the audience)
Any guy with a normal constitution would have run after her. Me, I didn't move. Or, rather, it's the train that moved. I just let it.

"Les poupées russes" (Cédric Klapisch, 2005)

About Belle, Sebastian and other vibes

Another sunny day, I met you up in the garden...

And found out that quintessential Scottish pop band had released a new compilation album.

While, on the other hand, discovered in awe that one of the singers in that Swedish band I used to be hooked on left the band years ago... But at least, there's Carl-Johan left (by now).

And who would've said I'd be back in the studio, after all these years?

Maybe I'm amazed by the outcome of things, afterall. 

Fleeting

"Harry, I have no idea where this will lead us, but I have a definite feeling it will be a place both wonderful and strange."

- Special Agent Cooper (Coopy, para los amigos) to his bro Sheriff Truman

Twin Peaks (David Lynch, 1990-91)

"Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Wednesday"

- You know, sometimes I wonder... 

- What? 

- Well... if I hadn't been Fox Books and you hadn't been The Shop Around the Corner, and you and I had just, well, met... 

- I know...

- Yeah. I would have asked for your number, and I wouldn't have been able to wait 24 hours before calling you and saying, "Hey, how about... how about some coffee?" or, you know, "drinks or dinner or a movie... for as long as we both shall live?"

- Joe... 

- And you and I would have never been at war. And the only thing we'd fight about would be which video to rent on a Saturday night. 

- Who fights about that?

- Well, some people. Not us. 

- We would never. 

- If only...

- I gotta go.

- Well, let me ask you something. How can you forgive this guy for standing you up and not forgive me for this tiny little thing of... of putting you out of business? Oh, how I wish you would. 

- I really have to go. 

- Yeah, well... you don't want to be late.

- You've got mail (Nora Ephron, 1998)

Citrus medica var. sarcodactylis

Suzanne takes you down to her place (...)

You can spend the night beside her 

And you know that she's half crazy 

But that's why you want to be there 

And she feeds you tea and oranges that come all the way from China 

And just when you mean to tell her that you have no love to give her 

Then she gets you on her wavelength, 

and she lets the river answer that you've always been her lover 

And you want to travel with her 

And you want to travel blind 

And you know that she will trust you

For she's touched your perfect body with her mind

Bright eyes

Yours is the first face that I saw,
I think I was blind before I met you
Now I don't know where I am, don't know where I've been
But I know where I want to go

And so I thought I'd let you know that these things take forever
(I, especially, am slow)
But I realized that I need you
And I wondered if I could come home

Remember the time you drove all night just to meet me in the morning
And I thought it was strange, you said everything changed,
You felt as if you'd just woke up

And you said:

"This is the first day of my life.

I'm glad I didn't die before I met you
But, now I don't care, I could go anywhere with you
And I'd probably be happy"

So if you wanna be with me, with these things there's no telling,

we'll just have to wait and see

But I'd rather be working for a paycheck than waiting to win the lottery
Besides, maybe this time it's different
I mean, I really think you like me...

He-3

Und plötzlich, ein Lied kommt in deinen Sinn wenn du aufwachst.

Et il est une chanson qui n'a jamais signifié rien pour toi (plutôt le contraire).

And still, a resounding "it was a mistake imprisoning my soul" sang by Bells keeps coming.

Fusionem l'Heli-3, nostra última esperança.

La Môme

(Journaliste) - Si vous aviez un conseil à donner à une femme, quel serait-il?
(Edith Piaf) - Aimer.
- À un enfant?
- Aimer.
- À une adolescente?
- Aimer.

Biotin, B7 or H

She brings rock 'n' roll inside her,

and poetry upon her lips

She does not smile, but throws bullets at you

And you die so beautifully that you do not tell apart

Whether you fall, or wings grow on you

- Efrén Gutiérrez

T-bird

David Jones sang about having just five years left, and that was all we'd get.

Linda Perry inquired about what was going on.

Matt Hale assured that good times were going to come.

John Lydon asked a perplexed audience if they'd ever gotten the feeling of being cheated.

Win Butler, on the other hand, was convinced that his own body was a cage.

And me, I'm in the middle trying to distinguish who is right or whether any of them told a truth that could be applied to mine.

'cause there are as many truths as people, but this Tuesday is universally lousy.

Muireann dixit.

Getting goosebumps

Nothing left to die for

Who cares for the life we've earned? Someone's sold all the truth you yearned
Remember when we used to shine and had no fear, or sense of time?

Well, it creeps up on you...

You can't cry, now there's nothing to feel
No-one's noticed your loneliness
Remember when you used to tease and made us scream eternal joys?

We believed that you'd always be here, once you promised a life with no fear
Please don't break my ideals and say what's fake was always reeeeeal
Hope was the one, now I'm gooooone

Take meeeee baaack aaagain...

Damn you, Bells. Always gets me...

Living dead girl

"L'amour est le meilleur des remèdes a toutes les injustices".

Oldie, but goldie

"If Hell is other people, thought Shadow, then Purgatory is airports".

- Shadow Moon, "American Gods" (Neil Gaiman, 2001)

P'tit plaisirs

Barbapappa y Titeuf en la tele alpina mientras se bebe un English Breakfast y después de hacer yoga...

Momentos de calma antes de la tormenta.

Jeudi, prépare-toi!

[Casper curls up in bed by Kat's side]

"Can I keep you?"

- Casper McFadden (Casper, 1995)

Eargasm

He's my fave
undressing in the sun
return to Sea - eyes
forgetting everyone
eleven high (or more)

ride a wave

Come back, kid

Here, here we stand
Side by side
Don't let go of my hand…

Sea within a sea

When a shift from Garage to Krautrock turns out to be a 7-minute masterpiece.

And then a candid mind who, by chance or intention, was at the moment in the former capital of Mainfranken goes and pairs it with a less than trip-hoppy song from a trip-hop band and... Magic happens.

Nights of cold and shiny pavement. Vanilla cigarettes, slugs squirming. Gravel crunching under my black rubber soles.

Looking back, those were good times. 9 years already...

Wie ein (Stolper)Stein

A place I recall, I was there so long ago.
I'll wait for it there, patiently (or at least the best way I can).

Wandering on, sat in regret of all the things I hadn't done, 'til the day was gone.

As Tom slides and strums, Chris whines in my head, and afterwards Jimmy covertly curses. Precisely on the B-day. Foxtrot, Uniform, etc.

Amos a ser más Pop y menos Cornell.

La caresse et la mitraille

Je n'ai pas peur de la route
Faudrait voir, faut qu'on y goûte
Des méandres au creux des reins

Et tout ira bien là

Ton message à la Grande Ourse et la trajectoire de la course
Un instantané de velours
Même s'il ne sert à rien va

Le vent l'emportera

Tout disparaîtra mais

La caresse et la mitraille et cette plaie qui nous tiraille
Le palais des autres jours d'hier et demain

Le vent les portera

Génétique en bandoulière
Des chromosomes dans l'atmosphère
Des taxis pour les galaxies, et mon tapis volant dis?

Le vent l'emportera
Tout disparaîtra mais

Ce parfum de nos années mortes
Ce qui peut frapper à ta porte
Infinité de destins, on en pose un et qu'est-ce qu'on en retient?

Le vent l'emportera

Pendant que la marée monteet que chacun refait ses comptes
J'emmène au creux de mon ombre des poussières de toi

Le vent les portera
Tout disparaîtra mais

Le vent nous portera

Bionic cuckoo land

Sleep deprivation is overrated, or so they say.

And suddenly you wake up one day and you are no longer in a barren place, but a glimmering, rainy one.

Dreams, cloud cuckoo lands and challenges ahead.

Fasten your seatbelts... it's gonna be a bumpy week!

Days of bread and roses

I seldom look back

And see all the mess

How could I reach that?

Would I be able of getting that again?

Things have changed, but

You stay where you stood

Everybody can tell (right?)

As they say: "It's not me, it's you"

Plug it in and let it out

Remember when we used to shine

Touch the stars in the first shout

Feel it slip, it's no longer your time

"Can't you see it's over? Because you're the star of a shrinking universe"

Every gun makes its own tune

"You see, in this world there's two kinds of people, my friend: Those with loaded guns and those who dig. 

You dig."

- Blondie, Il buono, il brutto, il cattivo (Sergio Leone, 1966)

Before and after

Against all the odds, it happened.

More than a decade from the last time we met on purpose in that ice-cream parlour that used to be in the most central square.

Three years after that festival in which we ran into each other almost by accident (only almost).

It's so curious that although you marked a turning point in my personality and the way I perceived my biggest hobby, I couldn't find the right words to greet you then as if nothing had happened.

And yet, I got the courage to try and rekindle the friendship last summer. And, unexpectedly, you went along with it :)

It wasn't necessary to dig up the past times when we partied like animals and called each other "Co-owners of the same soul", nope.

Some things never change. Soulmates never die.

Or so they say.

Gold-bloom

"I'm... I'm simply saying that life, uh, finds a way". 

- Dr. Ian Malcolm, Jurassic Park (Steven Spielberg, 1993)

Julian Plenty of...

Show me the dirt pile and will pray that the soul can take three stowaways

Vanish with no guile, and will not pay 

But the soul can wait

But if it's still pretty, what with all these leaves? We'll be fine, oh

And supervise 

... But here comes the fall 

So much for make-believe, not sold

So much of dreams, deceit, not prepared to know 

For always and ever will never let go 

Always concealed, safe and inside

Alive

In a passion it broke, always pulling the black from the gray
But the soul can wait
I felt you so much today

Il mondo si è fermato...

"The world has stopped turning.

For days now something has been happening that we haven't seen for a long time.

News and social networks, the front page of newspapers are not focusing on evil anymore, but on good.

Not on war and terrorism, but on love.

And all of this thanks to Pius XIII's heartbreaking love letters.

The world has stopped turning.

The world has stopped turning.

To talk about love."

- The Young Pope, episode 10

Into the Unknown

"My favorite thing is to go where I've never been."

— Diane Arbus

What I would tell you

If I wasn't a shrinking violet, I'd tell you that you've been very present in my intimate moments for a few days in a row.

I'd tell you that the way you bite your lips when I'm talking to you is why I can hardly look you in the eye. And it's driving me crazy (in a good sense).

I'd also tell you that I'm terrified to throw this all away because I'm not enough, or not what you're expecting. Although what scares me the most is the fact that I could get even more broken than before.

And I'd tell you that I love it when you look me in the eye and draw that smirk that would make effing Han Solo envious.

There, I said it.

Yours faithfully,

The Bad Influence

No woman can truly love a man who listens to Phil Collins

- So... You want to have actual sexual intercourse, right?
- Yeah... Wh-what???
- The girl. It's all about the girl, isn't it?

- Sing Street (2016)

Amarcord 2017

Ya está aquí, ha llegado.

Meses después del comienzo real del año, me aventuro a escribir este Amarcord, para seguir con la tradición.

Porque 2017 fue el año en que...

• Me quité las PT y el TFG, no sin dificultades por el camino.
• Estuve en centroeuropa y aprendí palabras curiosas como "czesch" o "dzień dobry". También otras más bordes, me inflé a pierogi y probé un helado artesanal de caramelo salado con trocicos de almendra impresionante.
• Vi a un grupo mítico en un país escandinavo (y desde entonces cuento los días hasta que casque alguno de ellos. Presiento que está cerca).
• Empecé un nuevo hobby sobre ruedas y cada día que pasa es un día menos hasta que consiga material del bueno con luces que aporten molonidad.
• Me apunté a otro hobby y me zampé a mis compañeras en casi todos los aspectos.
• Vi a esos escoceses bien vestidos en mi ciudad, and they didn't walk away.
• Perdí peso que me sobraba. Unos 80 kg, para ser exactos. Y tenía barba.
• En el proceso, también perdí una vida futura que ahora es paralela a la real. Una casa que estaba haciendo poco a poco más mía, un plan que (a simple vista) no tenía fisuras.
• Perdimos a Mr. Ollivander/Winston Smith/Kane, el Batman perruguero del Batusi y ese cantante torturado de ojos preciosos que cantaba a grito pelado aquello de "I'll wait for you there alone".
• Le molé a una multinacional. Aunque fue a principios del año siguiente cuando dieron luz verde.
• Seguí con niñas repelentes e ilustradores majetes. Alguna escocesa o italiana ocasional también.
• Participé por primera vez en un par de carreras populares. Eso sí, no corriendo.
• Asertividad, resiliencia y otros términos del demonio han ido cogiendo fuerza.
• Pasé un fin de semana "mágico" en un monasterio manchego con otras 149 personas unidas por una misma afición.
• Leí "Las Fantásticas Aventuras de Odín y su Hijo Ilegítimo: ¡desmelene en EEUU!", además de ver ese ejercicio impecable que fue su adaptación en forma de serie.
• Me enganché a un espejo negro, una enemistad de cine, la historia de una criada, un caballo politoxicómano y depresivo, unas cascadas de la gravedad, una Corona rodeada de corgis y, sobre todo, un papa joven de ojos penetrantes.

Y parece que este año 2018 viene cargado de cambios. Hasta qué punto, ya lo veremos.

Dementors

"They infest the darkest, filthiest places, they glory in decay and despair, they drain peace, hope, and happiness out of the air around them. Even Muggles feel their presence, though they can’t see them. 

Get too near one of them and every good feeling, every happy memory will be sucked out of you.

If it can, it will feed on you long enough to reduce you to something like itself — soul-less and evil. You’ll be left with nothing but the worst experiences of your life."

- Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, J. K. Rowling

Luvvv

I know a place not far from here.

It's not far away, but if you come I know a place where we'll be alone

and we'll talk of life, the way love used to be

I know a place not far away and we'll find a way through the city streets,

through the mad rushing crowd

and we'll talk about the way love used to be

Thought contagion

You will wait until it’s over to reveal what you’d never shown her, too little much too late

Too long trying to resist it, you’ve just gone and missed it: It’s escaped your world

Can you see that I am needing, begging for so much more than you could ever give?

And I don’t want you to adore me, don’t want you to ignore me when it pleases you

And I’ll do it on my own

So I’ll do it on my own, all by myself... And you will never make it.

Stick around

Y de pronto, escuchas esa canción que le cantabas en un coche difunto hace seis años.

Notas los escalofríos bajándote por los brazos y los muslos.

Sobriedad, un pequeño atisbo de llanto... Y todo está bien cuando suena la voz neozelandesa cantándole a sus exes.

Porque ahora, en cierto modo, soy una Jemaine de la vida.

Vamos a conseguir sacar ese Brett ("¡Breeeett!"), que seguro que está ahí dentro en algún lado.

Of warm guns and monsters

"Tús maith leath na hoibre".

Go, go, go!

San Walfrido

Gracias por los risones.

Gracias por los mimicos.

Gracias por la complicidad, el guananiano y los viajes.

Gracias por darme cuenta de que podía querer morirme tanto.

Gracias por hacerme ver que siempre puedes estar equivocada, aunque pienses que la otra persona es tu compañero para la vida.

Gracias por las lágrimas, el "ánimo depresivo", la inseguridad y la cantidad de noches en vela que me hiciste pasar.

Gracias por hacerme sentir mal por estar enferma y necesitar ir a un hospital en medio de tus copazos.

Gracias por las mentiras, por pensar que podía llegar a ser tan mezquina como tú, por las salidas nocturnas y los putos mensajitos cerdos a cualquiera que se prestara.

Gracias por esos días en los que me levantaba llorando y me acostaba igual.

Gracias por todos esos momentos en los que me fallaste. Por hacerme sentir menos que una mierda, por reírte de mis flaquezas y mentir a todo el mundo a tu alrededor para hacerles creer que eras una persona decente y de provecho.

Gracias, de verdad.

Una y no más.

A ver si inventan de una puñetera vez Lacuna, Inc. y puedo olvidarlo todo.

Iwan Rheum

"Love, I have heard say, looks through spectacles that make copper seem gold, poverty wealth, and blear eyes pearls".

"El amor (según yo he oído decir) mira con unos antojos que hacen parecer oro al cobre, a la pobreza riqueza, y a las legañas perlas".

- Don Quijote de la Mancha, Miguel de Cervantes

Closing chapters

"I don't want to need you, 'cause I can't have you".

- R. Kincaid, The Bridges of Madison County (1995) 

Sapo-Rana

"Hubiera dado la vida por ayudarte, pero resulta que son otras las salvadoras.

(...) Ahora haré lo que me dé la gana y a la hora que quiera...

Lo único que te pido es que no me engañes en nada, ya no hay razón, escríbeme cada vez que puedas, procura no trabajar demasiado ahora que comiences el fresco, cuídate muchísimo tus ojitos, no vivas solito para que haya alguien que te cuide, y hagas lo que hagas, pase lo que pase,
siempre te adorará

tu Frida".

- F. Kahlo

Blood tea and red string

Blood and water
Round and round.
Beneath my skin
And underground.

Blut und Wasser
Strömen rund
Tief in mir
Und der Erde Grund

- Christiane Cegavske

Let's fade "together" (Encore)

Once you have loved someone this much you doubt it could fade despite how much you'd like it to
God, how you'd like it... You'd like it to fade

Let's fade together (ha!)
Let's fade forever

Walk away

Swapped my innocence for pride...

Can't turn to see those eyes as apologies may rise.
Must be strong, stay an unbeliever.

Why don't you walk away?
No buildings will fall down,
No quake will split the ground,
The sun won't swallow the sky,
Statues will not cry

But then...

As you walk away
My headstone crumbles down,
The Hollywood wind's a howl,
The Kremlin's falling,
Radio 4 is static...

Louise knows best

"Well, you get what you settle for."

- Thelma & Louise (Dir. Ridley Scott, 1991)

“I was never enough for you"

"You never loved me. You just loved how much I loved you.

I GAVE YOU EVERYTHING. You gave it all away".

- "Mother!" (Dir. Darren Aronofsky, 2017)

I'm better

"When you got the personality, you don't need the nudity."

- Mae West

Every now and then...

Once upon a time I was falling in love,
but now
I'm only

falling a
               p
                    a
                          r
                                t
                                     .

The agony of going through my music library

A. S.... He loved this band, and I introduced it to him.

B. I....  White Wedding... And I wanted to get married to him someday (you fool!).

B. R., the band we saw together at that festival (although he wouldn't remember it).

Listening to B. D.'s Hurricane at the Little Car while we were on our way to Pomegranate City.

Me playing that Brazilian band whose initials are C. S. S. whenever I pleased in the exact same place.


Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Total depravity

There's total depravity staring back at me, standing right in front of me.

I try to look away and I fail.

I asked them "What went wrong?", and they said "It's been there all along".

I try to look away and I (miserably) fail.

As days go by

Hold you tight, keep you cool. Going mad, you don't know what to do

Do I need a friend? Well, I need one now

All you've done, you've done for you... All I gave, I gave for free

You gave nothing in return and there's little left of you

In red-eyed pain you're knocking on my door again, your crazy brain in tangles pleading for my gentle voice

Those storms keep pounding through your head and heart. You pray I'll soothe your sorry soul

All the days of your life... All the days you owe me

Here's to the fools who dream

Por todo aquello que pudo ser.

Pero no será.